Wind Beneath My Wings

Today, my mama went to the doctor. She hasn’t been feeling very well lately. My mama isn’t a fancy woman, so the word mama is more precious to her than the word mother. Mama is getting up in years. She will soon be 77. But time has not been good to her when it comes to her health.

My mama has always been a woman with a small frame. The most she ever weighed in her life was 115 pounds when she was 9 months pregnant with my oldest sister. Today I look at her and she weighs about 75 to 80 pounds. Her soft brown hair has almost given into grey. Mama’s hazel green eyes, that used to watch every move one of her children made, are beginning to dim with the passing of time.

My mama grew up poor of earthly riches. My grandpa wasn’t able to work and support their family, so my grandma would walk 10 miles to work every day for $1 a day. My grandpa passed away on my mama’s 19^th birthday and she had my oldest sister a little over a week later. At a time when it probably would have been easier on mama to give my sister up for adoption, she chose to keep my sister.

Somewhere along the way, she met my father. Life would not get any easier for my mama. Together my mama and my father had 5 children and she also had a miscarriage. My father was a womanizer. I love you dad and may you rest in peace, but the truth is a fact. My mama has told me about a situation when I was just a baby. She was so tired and she just wanted to get a little rest. My father had come in to take a bath and change clothes and was going back to his other woman’s house.

My mama asked my uncle if she could borrow $25. She was going to offer that to my father if he would just watch me for a little while so she could lie down for a little while. My uncle wasn’t able to watch me because he had just broken his back a few months earlier. My mama asked my father and he just looked at her and said, “You can’t buy love” and turned around and walked out.

I can remember as a child during school at Halloween my mama would always makes witches for us to take for our parties at school. She would take Tootsie Roll pops and stick them down in apples. She would take black crepe paper and make the witches’ hats and tie them around the candy. She would then take orange crepe paper and tie it around the apple. At Christmastime, she would get each of our teachers a gift. During the springtime, she would go out in the mornings before we caught the bus and cut fresh flowers then roll them in wet newspaper for us to take to our teachers. My mama was always doing something to make someone else feel good and feel appreciated. I remember one such present I gave my teacher was a rug to put beside her bed. Years later, I saw my former teacher, Mrs. Hefner, and she told me she thought of me often because she still stepped out onto that rug every morning when she awoke. The flowers were bouquets of pinks, reds, blues, yellows, purples, and orange.

For years my mama worked in a furniture factory. She worked harder than most of the men there. When some of the men would be complaining about a certain job, my mama would be right there in the middle of it doing the work. Mama knew she had hungry little mouths to feed and depended on her. There were times I have literally seen the blood come from my mama’s hands and feet where they would get so dried out that they would crack open and bleed. I can remember kissing her precious fingers, the ones that literally worked themselves to the bone to keep me safe. Several times, a piece of furniture fell off and broke mama’s ribs. She kept on working.

I remember going into the bathroom at night before I went to bed and picking up her shirt that she had pulled off and smelling it. There is nothing like a mother’s smell mixed with a little hint of perfume to make a child feel safe inside. I would do the same thing in the morning as I got ready for school since my mama was already gone to work. I knew if I could just smell my mama’s shirt I would be okay and I would see her when she got off work that evening.

Like I said, mama didn’t have a lot of luxuries in life. She didn’t have a washer and dryer in the house. What she had was a wringer washing machine that sat out on the back porch. Every Saturday morning she would get up early and fill up that old machine and start washing clothes. Then she would have to rinse them. You could hear the popping sound of the clothes when she would start to hang a piece of clothing up on the line. Mama always said that the sunshine would make the clothes smell fresher. There’s nothing like a pair of pants that you take off the clothesline that can stand in a corner by themselves. Over the next couple of days she would get all the laundry ironed and put away.

As a young girl that begins to notice boys, I was no different. One day my brothers wanted to go up on the hill and play ball with some of their friends. Well….it just so happened, I kind of liked one of those boys that they were friends with. I wanted to go too but mama told me no. Instead of listening to her, I snuck up the bank behind the house and went up there. About 20 minutes or so later, here comes my mama with a hickory switch. Boy did she let me have it across the legs all the way back down that hill. I wasn’t doing anything but watching them play ball. So, did I deserve that whipping I got from my mama? Heck yes I did. She was trying to keep me safe. And just to let you know, no I did not go back again without her permission.

My mama never dated a lot as we were growing up. My mama was a beautiful woman to me. She looked so much like Loretta Lynn that they could have passed for sisters. The resemblance was uncanny. From the dark hair she wore down to her shoulders, to the high cheekbones, even down to the smile. She never left us by ourselves when she went out because my grandma was always there with us. Looking back I wish my mama could have found a good man to take care of her. That would have been nice. She probably found one or two that may have been good enough for her but maybe not good enough for her children and her children were her life.

My mama is still as beautiful to me today as she was when I was a little girl. Although age and time has taken its toll on her and her body, she still has that same great sense of humor that she handed down to me. She can no longer walk standing as straight, some days she is bent over in pain. Today the doctor told her that her discs had degenerated in her back and is probably pinching a nerve causing her a lot of pain when she tries to get up and when she walks. The hands that worked so hard at one time doing work that men complained about are the same hands now that have trouble opening a jar. The same muscles that used to move heavy pieces of furniture are barely able to pick up a gallon of milk now. But the most important thing is the heart that loved me way back then still loves me even more today.

I know mama’s time left here is limited and it gets shorter with every passing day. We talk every day and I am so thankful for that time we get to spend. Of all the children that God has created, I am so very thankful He made me and gave me to my mama. I know that there will come a time soon when my mama’s voice won’t be on the other end of the phone. Her laughter I will not be able to hear. Her small, fragile hands I will no longer be able to touch. When that time comes, I hope I can find a shirt, a sweater, a robe, anything that I can pick up and smell just to be close to her for a little while longer.

Mom, you have always been my best friend. You are my hero and you are truly the wind beneath my wings. Without you, your guidance through the years and your unconditional love through the years I would be nothing. Thank you for the sacrifices you made. I LOVE YOU MAMA.